And so...

The last day in Berlin. Photo by Elisa.

It has been a year since I left New Zealand to embark on something new. A trip across to the other side of the world in the hopes of finding something cool.

I like to think I have found a few cool things; new people, tasty food, architecture older than the country I come form, cats and pigeons which seem to be everywhere.

I came here with a few things on my list, which I found in my diary that I wrote on the flight over and I think its time to cross some things off;

• Go and live in London
• Dance at Pineapple
• See as many West End Productions as I can Check out my list
• Be in a West End Production - Yeah...
• Travel to new places And more to come
• Shop Did a bit too much of this...
• Find something I am good at
• Meet new people
• Find like minded people Turns out I already knew them
• Keep in touch with family and friends back home
• Explore Italy and France - In just a few more weeks
• Eat Crepes in France - Count Down

I don't think I could ever finish such a list...

While being over here, so many people have asked me why I would leave New Zealand if I plan on returning. And they pretty much answered that question them selves, I do plan on returning. But uni was hard. And I mean REAL HARD! My last year may have been the worst for me. I am a happy person, but that year was full of tears, self doubt, a complete loss of confidence, a daily uniform of black, black and more black and a diet I wish never existed. I felt like there was no point in dealing with each day, and the particular people around me that I listened to just never let me design what I wanted to. Being told I would fail if I use a particular colour scheme was not ok for me. So I just gave in. I passed with what felt life someone else's design (it was mine, I put in the hard work, so don't think I plagiarised!), was told I had the best drawings in the school, but I didn't care. The persons opinion that mattered to me the most was the person who did not consider me one of his favourites and so I got a mediocre mark. Once graduating, I did not have a design job lined up. I couldn't face the idea. I had lost all creative skill and inspiration could not be found anywhere. I needed more of a break then working for my father (which I love by the way...interesting and most opportunities than anyone else my age). So overseas it was. I wanted to somewhat get it over and done with, and tick it of the life list. Getting a job in NZ straight out of uni might be good for some people, but the thought of being locked in at this point in time was and is not an option for me.

With a ticket in my hard, flying solo, and now looking back on the year that has just passed. I may not have traveled to every country and little town I had planned on, but I have learnt so much about what I can do with no ones help. I have become so much more inspired that I could have ever imagined. I want to design again. Most nights I draw in a little note book, stick in magazine clippings, restaurant menus I have collected...the things I have seen and the situations I have been in have given me the kick I need.

My visa is only for two years, and I am not sure as to whether I should stay here for the next few months, let alone till May next year. I have things I want to achieve while I still can, while I am still inspired and wanting it. Failure has never been an option for me, and neither is regret. But I would rather fail at trying something I love than regret never trying it out. That is hard for me to believe, but living here and hearing the backgrounds of how people have got to where they are now, all of them have failed at something; school, career, love, family...

I think it is time for a new list of thing I think I may want to achieve some day. Not within the next year, but ideas of what I would like to do. It will be interesting to see what will get crossed off.

• Go home
• See my babies
• Make sure my god daughters are still in line - if not, reel them back in
• Get some work experience
• Move to Australia
• Move to America
• Live in Chicago - I am rather fond of that place
• Give Interior a go
• Do more with Graphic Design
• Own a business
• Become a caterer - I just like pretty food
• Work in a events planning business
• Find love
• Own a home
• Renovate that home
• Be happy
• Achieve something great
• Etc.

Let see how that goes...